John Boehner Stars In Waterworks II

It's universally accepted that there is good man-crying and bad man-crying. John Wayne was a good crier. Robert Mitchum and Kirk Douglas were masters of the underappreciated art of the macho sob. Economy in all aspects of the act is the key. The eyes mist over, there's an almost imperceptible and momentary quaver in the voice and a slight hitch in the syncopation of the delivery. But the mist never requires the use of a tissue, the quaver doesn't affect the timber or pitch of the voice and the hitch doesn't require a hideous contortion of the facial mask. The Duke, Kirk and Mitch were men, or at least portrayed men, who could hold there water. On the opposite end of the man-weep spectrum is Speaker-in-waiting John Boehner, who is a baaad crier. Not only does he cry early and often (see his post-election victory from November) he does it in such a way that is embarrassing and a little frightening. The left side of his face collapses exposing an unacceptable amount of gum line and he insta-drools at the first hint of emotion. It looks like Acute Onset Bell's Palsy. Well, something the evil and mean Leslie Stahl asked him during his 60 Minutes interview (12/12/10) sent him careening into a world class case of the power vapors. Poor Leslie looked like someone that stumbles upon an accident scene and can't decide whether a towel, a tourniquet or defib paddles would be most beneficial. (You can never go wrong with the paddles. Even if the victim's heart is still beating and you end up killing them with the unneeded jolt you're protected by the Good Samaritan laws in most states. So when in doubt, ride the lightning). I couldn't watch the rest of the interview but I was left with the impression that Mr. Boehner doesn't have the requisite sand to be Speaker Of The House. I don't recall Nasty Nancy Pelosi's face melting a la' Raiders Of The Lost Ark under even the most trying circumstances. You could tell Nancy that her whole family was being systematically drowned in public toilets at various D.C. bus stations and she wouldn't flinch. Hilary Clinton? Now there's a dude who knows how to cry.